| Fridae Movie Club: Singapore | 18th March 2009 / Issue 262 |
| > Join Fridae Movie Club > Forward to a friend | Archive > Subscribe | Unsubscribe > Write to the Editor > Search movie | Read online Three sounds that accurately describe this week’s movies are: Yuck. Eek. Ugh. Don’t believe us? Well, get a load of the titles: Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Doesn’t that sound straight-to-video? Dragonball: Evolution. Cool, but Goku played by a Caucasian? Hotel for Dogs. Could the title be more obvious? Detroit Metal City. For some reason, we quiver at the sound of it. Street Fighter: Legend of Chun Li. Previous SF movies stank to the high heavens. This one will actually kill angels. |
The only thing that’s keeping our sanity intact is the tickets to the Singapore International Film Festival that we’ve bought, and the prospect of watching Confessions of a Shopaholic next week. In fact, there are 7 new releases besides Shopaholic that open next week – The Unborn, Gran Torino, 12 Rounds, Battle In Seattle, Fanboys and Climber’s High. We’ll pray some of them turn out to be gems. You have been warned of the potential danger movies. Till then, stay safe.
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Dragonball: Evolution
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Millions of Asian kids grew up loving the Dragonball manga and anime series because of their terrific plot, characters and humor. To have Hollywood now take the franchise and turn it into an insipid action film starring a white actor in the role of Goku is pure travesty. Justin Chatwin, the 26-year-old Canadian we best remember for playing a gay drug dealer in TV’s Weeds, is young Goku. Upon the death of his grandfather, and obeying the dying man’s wish, Goku goes off to find the great Master Roshi (Chow Yun-Fat) and gather all the seven Dragonballs. He must do so to prevent the evil Piccolo (James Marsters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer) from getting his hands on them. Owning the seven Dragonballs allows the user to have his wishes granted. And Piccolo, like all nefarious villains, is bent on world domination… From the first to the last reel, Dragonball: Evolution is utterly, stunningly bad. After terrific comic book adaptations like The Dark Knight, Ironmen and Watchmen, we almost forgot how truly miserable such adaptations can be. It’s also surprising, considering that it’s directed by James Wong who got his big break on The X-Files, and subsequently went on to write and direct the successful Final Destination franchise. How James came to screw up this most beloved manga story is anyone’s guess, but we’re speculating that studio meddled with the picture, insisting on white actor for Goku and cutting off his tail. Of course, James Wong is too much of a professional to ever blame the studio. At any rate, Dragonball: Evolution is spectacularly poor.
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Street Fighter: Legend of Chun Li
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Even after two terrible movies based on the ultra-successful videogame Street Fighter, the producers somehow felt the world hasn’t had enough. So they’ve now come up with Street Fighter: Legend of Chun Li, a movie so awful that several patrons walked out less than halfway through during last week’s preview. The lovely Kristin Kreuk, Smallville’s Lana, stars as Chun Li the concert pianist in America whose father is kidnapped by evil ninjas. Years later, she comes across a mysterious ancient scroll which instructs her to look for a man named Gen in Bangkok. Without any hesitation, she jumps on a flight to the city. (Um, why?) She also forgets to bring money, hence had to beg on the streets. One night, she is attacked by gangsters and miraculously manages to fight them off with her excellent martial arts skills. A man then reveals himself as Gen (Robin Shou) and offers to be her guru so she can fight bad people and stuff. Now, many of us have played the videogame. It involves two fighters go mano-a-mano, each one possessing a set of kicks, punches and special moves design to annihilate his or her opponent. Strangely, the movie adaptations of Street Fighter always try to create a Proper Plot around the characters at the expense of actual fight sequences. The 1994 live version with Jean-Claude Van Damme was memorable for its lack of fighting sequences, while the new version features some of the worst fighting choreography we’ve ever seen. And let’s not forget about the childish script, uneven acting and limp direction. Speaking of direction, helmer Andrzej Bartkowiak’s previous works were Romeo Must Die, Cradle 2 The Grave and Doom, horrible movies with ominous titles that may describe his career. Street Fighter? Probably more like Shit Fighter.
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Detroit Metal City
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Adapted from a hugely popular Japanese manga, Detroit Metal City is not to everyone’s taste, but it’s certainly fun for J-pop fans. Teen idol Kenichi Matsuyama (best known for playing L in Death Note) plays a sweet-natured country bumpkin leaves home for the bright lights of Tokyo, hoping to find his big break as a pop singer. Instead, he gets signed on to paint his face and sing for an extreme Death Metal band, something he has a knack for but can’t come to grips with. Things come to a head when he has to square off with the legendary metal singer Jack Il Dark (played by KISS frontman Gene Simmons, no less)… Directed by Toshio Lee, Detroit Metal City is a cutesy film with cookie-cutter characters and a simplistic plotline that should satisfy undemanding viewers. Kenichi looks surprisingly twinky when not playing his grim personae in Death Note. And he carries the film well on the slender shoulders. Of all the dreadful films opening this week, this is probably the most watchable – though that still isn’t saying much. |
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Paul Blart: Mall Cop
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Comedian Kevin James (King of Queens, Hitch) plays Paul Blart, a loser security guard at a loser shopping mall. He still lives with his mom, his wife ran off after she got her green card, and he can’t seem to pass the test to be a state trooper. So when the mall is taken over by robbers and the hostages include his daughter (Raini Rodriguez) and the girl of his dreams (Jayma Mays), Paul has one last chance to prove to himself and everyone else that he is indeed a Man. Directed by Steve Carr, there are plenty of slapstick scenes where Paul falls and crashes into things, as fat comedians are often expected to do to generate laughs. But we’ve seen these all before, and it feels too easy and unimaginative. Likeable as Kevin James may be, Paul Blart: Mall Cop is just another generic Hollywood yawn-medy. |
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Hotel for Dogs
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Hotel For Dogs is made for dog and Disney lovers – provided they can stomach its numerous dog poo jokes. Emma Roberts (niece of Julia Roberts) and Jake T. Austin play orphaned siblings who are miserable with their latest foster parents (Lisa Kudrow and Kevin Dillon). When the kids stumble upon several stray dogs hiding in an abandoned hotel building, the kids quickly bond with the mutts. After all, the two have something in common with the dogs – no one wants them… Directed by Thor Freudenthal, Hotel For Dogs is pleasant, inoffensive, Disney-style entertainment. But anyone yearning for cinema than transcends shopworn formulas should certainly stay away. |
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| LGBT-interest
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| Singapore International Film Festival
Tickets: $9.50 |
BOY The Substation, 19 Apr, 11:30am DIM SUM FUNERAL National Museum of Singapore, 23 Apr, 7:15pm FEMALE GAMES National Museum of Singapore, 18 Apr, 11:30am JAY The Arts House - Screening Room, 17 Apr, 7:15pm SINGAPORE PANORAMA SHORTS 1
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